Life, The Three Gees and Dahi baingan

*****DISCLAIMER*****

The views expressed in this post are not exactly the author’s own. In fact, most of the content of this post has been taken from a colleague at work without his consent. He has absolutely no idea of the existence of this post. All names / places in this post have been obfuscated to prevent any measurable embarrassment to those who own them. 

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Lunchtime at work is usually a rather gay affair [no pun intended]. We all mosey over to the cafeteria. Look at the “ecips ytic” counter, realize that the biryani is good and the veg. combo is as cheap as a trip to space. The “tserue” counter is serving the regular garb. There’s some paratha, some curry and some dal. So ho hum. The non-veg, well, let’s not talk about that here, shall we .

There is also a south indian counter. South Indian Meals counter. It usually serves a combination of rasam + sambhar + rice + salad + some arbitrary mushy-mashy looking veggie + curd. It is usually quite good.

There is also a north indian counter. A look at the menu would usually result in the phrase “His mother’s, sister’s …” being uttered by the general public. In Hindi. I am now convinced that he has a tinda / baingan / kaddu farm for everyday there is one of the three. One day, there was, and I am not exaggerating one eensy-weensie bit, “Dahi baingan, Tindly Fry, Kadi” as the curries. Dahi Baingan. I just looked at that and went “shubh maa …”, In English.

Anyway, I seem to have strayed too far. So, we’re all at lunch. The topic of the day, for some reason was “Life, The ultimate purpose, What are we here for, Ambition” etc …  (You get the gist right?). There were the regular arguments being presented. Someone brought in the whole money angle. His argument was “It’s all about money”. Someone else said, “It’s all about sex”.

After much discussion, no clear consensus had emerged. Then was the brainwave. Life was all about “The Three Gees“. Not four, not two, not 3.14151. Just Three.

So, The Three Gees, the secret to life, (and not to the universe / everything) are:1

1. Roti

 

2. Kapda

 

3. Makaan

 

Haha. Had you there didn’t I. Well, they actually are (Ghar, Gadi aur Girlfriend).

So, how many G’s are you?

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PS: I pity the fools at 3G. They, unlike mere 1G mortals like me, have nothing more left in life

Reviews …

Warning: Reader discretion advised. This is possibly the most random post ever written. Also, it is not the traditional kind of random that you get on this blog. It’s a whole new kind of random. Infact the novelty of this randomness itself is so random that … you get the idea right .

CCD: Complicated Class Diagrams. -CeG <oBelIX>

BARISTA: I wish I could come up with something for this. -CeG <oBelIX> right after he came up with CCD

It’s been a while since I wrote anything of any value.

Yeah, I know, the pointless nature of opening a blog post,

With a statement so steeped in fiction

however, the average chap’s unwillingness to read,

Sentences whose length is unbounded,

Sentences where the full stop is not in sight for the next 20 words,

Sentences that make you want to rip the author’s gut out,

Sentences that make you want to scream in frustration,

or Sentences that make you want to shout out loud,

in plain and simple Hyderabadi, “Aisi bakwaas nakko likh”,

made me want to experiment,

with this possibly extant format,

in which I write each sentence in a paragraph of its own,

delimit it with a comma,

and impart a sense of continuation,

of perpetuity

or everlastingness

of wonder at the filling up of a page with so few words

with the ultimate goal being

progress at acquiring the

ability to wield the English language,

more like a rapier that weaves in and out of a fight,

and less like a sword all straight and stiff,

so that one day I might

rise above this meaningless plight

and write something that truly entertains,

not something at which you look in disdain.

If you have read that and are questioning my mental health then I would like to assure you that I am quite okay. That is what happens when you let yourself write whatever you quite feel like writing. However, if you add a few constraints, then you get the following paragraphs:

I saw a movie the other day called Interview. It was a rather eye-opener. It was on the whole, different. For one thing, the woman one. For another, I was shocked at the level of deceit that was on display. The acting is pretty decent. The story is reasonably good. And frankly, the shock value is worth it.

The other thing that I saw was a couple of episodes of “Californication”. Armed with a warning that it was a sex comedy, I expected something along the lines of Coupling. Hilarious, funny in its own sort of way. I never actually expected a sex comedy to include “T&A”. Pardon my naievty (how do you spell that?), but I really thought it would be hilarious (Yes, I am quite aware that my vocabulary at describing funny stuff is stunted).

The last few episodes of 2.5 men were, well, not to put too fine a point on it, rather blah. Too much mush mush. Too little funny. It sucks when a series which has managed to be funny consistently has to resort to mush-mush to fill up airtime so early in the season.

Heroes on the other hand seems to be maturing nicely. I still staunchly believe that my way of watching heroes was better, but now that I’ve tasted the fruit, I cannot live without it. 

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PS1: I typed this out on one of those ergonomic keyboards, the ones that look like   that. However, guess what, my hands are actually hurting right now.

PS2: I just reread this. And against my better judgement I’m going to put it out there on the net. In future If this screws me up, I apologize to the “future me” who has just been screwed over.

PS3: Guess which side Tipo is reffering to in this chat with someone that was sent to me verbatim …

X: waste fellow

Sent at 03:11 AM on Friday

Prashant: huh

X: what huh?

Prashant:

wtf did I do ?

X: you know what you did …

bitch

Prashant: oh..that

had to do it da

X: it was about time wasn’t it

so whats it like on that side?

Prashant:

now, its not good

X: oh, you were having fun earlier?

Prashant: i ain’t gonna answer any more questions

X: no comments eh

the diplomatic answer

Prashant: no no..not ‘no comments’

this conversation ends here

knowing you,

Of food and relationship advice

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. -Some proverb

The shortest way to men’s hearts is down their throats. -Some smart aleck’s comment on the above proverb.

I recently read this article on LWN.net about “What programmer’s should know about memory“. The link came from SMR’s blog, he mentioned it was a tab left opened in firefox. That article impressed me. It wasn’t the technological stuff, the bits and bytes about Northbridges, DMA and NUMA, it surprisingly was the organization of that article.

If I manage to organize the incoherent set of ideas that occurred to me while pondering over the N-P hard question of “What to eat for dinner“, half as well as that article, then I’m sure this is going to be a delightful post. On the other hand, my tendency to ramble and write sentences such as the predecessor of this sentence would undoubtedly increase the ire, frustration and dismay of the average reader.

I’m assuming that 90% of the people who read this post (10 people if my math is good) did not read the above paragraph.

I. Introduction

I believe in being brief, succinct and to the point. Random ramblings are something greatly uncharacteristic of my writing. Suffice to say, that the two “sound bits” referred to at the beginning of this post would serve as Introduction enough.

However, for the reader who wants more, this post contains ideas, advice and suggestions on how to get your relationship moving with food. I’ve given some excellent recipes that are sure to get your guy in the mood, or vice-versa.

2. Disclaimer

Astonishingly, the title of this post is highly related to the content that follows. The author is an expert on food having consumed “said food” approximately 24000 times in his existence. Also, the dishes that he mentions in this post are items that he has personally cooked.

Critics may argue that the author “sucks” at cooking, and is more like a parasite when it comes to food. After all he only consumes it. The author would like to respond to these premature, nascent criticisms with the time honoured gesture of _|||_ and say “Read Between the Lines”.

The author admits to having a slight lack of experience in the relationship area. He also admits that none of these methods have ever been tried or tested and may potentially fireback.  However, given the success of the “Relationship advice” business he would like to get his foot in the door and start making the big bucks.

The content and views expressed in this post are solely the author’s own. The author claims full rights to any royalties or monies that may be a direct / indirect consequence of this text. He also transfers the responsibility of all monies that he may have to pay as a result of “some random chaps” suing his ass over this text to T. Prashant.

3. Food and Relationships

Lets get to it people. In this post you will learn to prepare some delicious recipes, “oBelIX” style, for that special someone. Be warned, these recipes could (hey!! it could happen) lead to very desirable consequences [!!wink!!, !!wink!!]. I’ve added lots of pictures to help those who may have difficulty identifying the products listed here. [read - booshi].

3.1 Paneer Butter Masala

This recipe is a traditional favorite. No text on relationships, food and the like would be complete without it.

Ingredients

Paneer
Butter
Masala

Recipe

(a) Cut paneer into small pieces as shown in figure.

(b) Melt butter in pan. For the calorie-counters, please remember that butter is an essential ingredient to this dish. Also, butter has several nutritional properties that have not yet been discovered. Apart from other things, it is known that eating a little butter everyday makes you healthy, wealthy and wise.

(c) Put Masala in pan. Now, if you put too much masala you might end up making your “target” look like this after he has ingested 2 spoons of the dish.

 

(d) Add cut pieces of paneer to the pan

(e) Go watch an episode of scrubs while the dish is being prepared. Remember to check on the dish every so often. Author’s Tip: For ease, just check on the dish everytime JD daydreams

(f) At the end of the episode, just take the delicious dish that you’ve prepared and serve hot.

3.2 Maggi

This dish is exceedingly simple to make. It takes minimal time (it is rumored that Japanese samurai used to make it in two minutes). It is infact the most bang for the buck (if you know what I mean), food wise.

Ingredients

Maggi
Water

Recipe

(a) Put water in pan

(b) Put maggi in water.

(c) Set the stove to maximum.

(d) Stir.

(e) The dish is done when the noodles are getting stuck to the pan, or there is a slight burning smell.

(f) Serve hot or cold.

3.3 Curd Rice

This south Indian dish is an all time favorite. Current scientific research indicates that curd is a very strong aphrodisiac. Infact, it its aphrodisiacal strength is estimated to be so high, that it counterbalances the fact that the rice isn’t doing anything to be helping. It is also the simplest of the three recipes to cook.

Ingredients

Curd / Dahi
Rice

Recipe

(a) Cook the rice

(b) Mix with curd

(c) Eat

4. Conclusion

There exists no super-weapon. No shortcut to hard work. Relationships are hard work [or so they say in every damn TV show]. The methods outlined here will work in general, with the following exceptions: 

(a) People like Halley, will consume all this food that you may prepare and still want more.

(b) People like Baba, will eat the food and then promptly go running.

(c) People like Tipo, will eat the food while watching some TV show (such as Family Guy) and ignore you for a long time.

(d) People like ASR will eat the food and then fall asleep.

(e) People like Wooster will ignore the food, look for the nearest source of booze, cigs and guitar and get high.

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PS: Did you like this?

PS1: Did I say that facebook rocks.

PS2: Will write a review of all restaurants in the kondapur area. Have tried a lot of them now.

PS3: Life is not quite so bad. Infact it’s pretty good .

Tutorials in IIIT

Crappe Diem. -CeG <oBelIX>

Did this ever happen to anyone in IIIT?

Oh, and I guess copying that picture violates some copyright so here is a link to that page.

 

PS: Heroes 201, 202 rocks. How did people watch it episode by episode??

Godlikeness

Go here. An insanely brilliant post. You won’t regret it. Even if you’ve already been there and read it.

This is the end

Of Jyggalog, Moonshine and Plutoburn

Every once in a while, I come up with a really brilliant post. A post that is funny on so many levels that you’d die laughing if you read it twice. A post that would have a title, which at first glance would be a combination of random words, but when understood would make you go “Humana Humana Humana”. A post by lil old me, that would poke fun at the established behemoths of the blogging world (Slipstream, mythalez, baba, halley, gokul etc). A post for describing which most superlatives would fall short. There would be delightful comments (written in brackets like these) that would only serve to enhance the sheer joy. A post that would bend a few rules of the English language if only just to complete a silly rhyme.

Thankfully, this is NOT it. This is more like “constipated blogging“. Yes, I do humbly apologize for introducing whatever image that last buzzword induced.

Now, I was tempted to leave this post at that. However, the desire for life (specifically the desire to avoid a beating from the big brutes like Baba etc) has forced my hand. I must now come up with something that doesn’t increase the average level of c-rap-pine-ss of this blog by more than a factor of pi/e.

Usually, this would be about the point when I would start writing about current random stuff. If I were feeling a tad glum I’d make an insensitive comment on the Ram-Setu issue. One the other hand, if I were feeling a touch cheery then I’d express my jubilation over the recently conducted T20 WC. Infact if I was more than a touch cheery, say I was a bunch of cheery, then I’d probably link to this post or even this post that talks about the T20 WC.

After all the news headlines have been mined for increasing the length of the post from one lousy paragraph to two yucky paragraphs I would probably look at the stuff that other people have been writing.

1. I’d poke a little (no, make that a whole lot) of fun at Rao’s new style of wearing a broom over his head.
2. I’d silently curse SlipStream for changing Daily-irum into Never-arium and thus depriving me of a few minutes of sheer disbelief at the utter lack of laughter-value in his pjs.
3. I’d use words that you wouldn’t use at home to describe  Mythalez’s new idea of devoting whole posts to text which can be best described as mere status messages on Yahoo.
4. I’d threaten baba with disembowelment over the utter lack of comprehensibility in his post. What the !@#$ are you saying – I mean half the time I don’t even get three quarters of the context in which the conversation is being had.
5. I’d post a little innuendo about Manish, his relationship with someone (possibly Booshi), his weird smily face I mean come on – On what planet is that not a goofy weird look. Anyway, the jib-jab on Manish would be to get him to blog, esp about all the screwing he must be getting in California.

It’d be about this time, that I’d be fast running out of ideas. Thankfully, one look at the scrollbar would be enough to make me realize that I’ve posted more than the average reader of this blog would be able to assimilate at one go.

Here’s where I’d post a few random lines, and under the pretext of Postscripts I’d write whatever arbitrary junk I can think of in under 30 seconds.

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PS: Flame people flame.

PS1: Facebook is much better than orkut.

PS2: If you haven’t understood the title of this post, “YET”, then keep trying. I assure you there was great clarity in my head when I thought of that.

PS3: Blog people blog.

PS4: Spam people spam.

PS5: Heroes – I need season 2. Someone put it on a flash drive and mail it to me.

PS6: I know something that you don’t know. Ask Himanshu Arora for more.

PS7: This is the end