The Maggi Incident
STATUTARY WARNING: The experiments described in this post have been performed by a seasoned professional. Do not try this at home. The author of this post is not liable for any medical expenses that you might incur. Oh, and please bear with the first few paragraphs, it gets better …
First floor seemed to have some sucky food. So did ground floor. I figured, lets have maggi. The 2 minute noodles.
They seriously need to rename that. Stupid ass 2 minutes. I refuse to eat anything that takes more time to cook than eat.
Anyhoo, as I sat on the bed, watching the steam rise from the pan, I had an epiphany. Figured, lets add some zest, some spice, some tadka, some pep, some masti to the maggi.
So, the water’s getting hot, the steam rising, taking on a crimson hue from the red hot spring in the stove and I’m thinking, what can I do to make the maggi better. A quick scan of my room reveals oregano, ketchup, chilli flakes, sugar, milk and magic masala lays as the other edible items.
The last time I tried milk with some edible food item was the infamous Pasta Incident. That was last year, when Manish, Anand and I had got a couple of packets of Instant Pasta. The pasta had turned out to be decent but all the while it was cooking my room was filled with vomit smell.
Hence, milk was out. I was in no mood for Sweet and Sour Maggi so I knocked sugar off the list. The lays I was saving for later. That left me with oregano, ketchup and chill iflakes.
An interesting Recipe
So, the water’s on, I put in the taste maker, 3 packets of oregano, two packets of chilli flakes and one packet of ketchup (NB – All are standard ingredients, available with any dominoes pizza). The colour of the water isn’t all that exciting but then I don’t care a heck of a lot for looks anyway …
Now, I’m sitting, stirring the maggi so that it doesn’t stick, looking at the crimson yellow colour of the water and wondering “This should be fun“. A bit of stirring later, I figure its done, put off the stove. Get on the bed, put on some seinfeld and get ready to enjoy my own creation.
There was a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment. I felt vaguely elated and suprised at my new found creative culinary talents. My mind was racing – I’d call it the New and Improved Maggi. Perhaps even name it after me. There’d be endorsements, and advertisements and what not. I’d be rich even before I started working.
My reverie was interuppted by my nose telling my brain – Whoa!! I don’t think you should eat that. And then my brain went “Do not insult my cuisine bitch”. In hindsight, I will tend to remember Pink Floyd and them going – Unheeded Warnings: I thought I thought of everything.
I picked up the spoon, and I will not hesitate to add that with a sense of foreboding I took a bite out of my own creation. There was a gamut of signals going from my tongue to my brain. The most prominent amongst these was What the FUDGE are you making me eat?. As it went down my oesophagus, I could feel every muscle there cursing, screaming and whining.The first bite hit the stomach and my stomach contracted involuntarily. Every inch of the stomach was straining to not send my creation back up the way it came.
Of course, my pride led me to think “The next bit would be better“. To the great astonishment and infinitely greater dismay of the eighty million neurons in my brain it wasn’t. In fact the next ten odd bites were exponentially worse. It was here that my common sense (a so far sleeping part of my concious) kicked in. The rest of the New and Improved Maggi was sent down the sink and I was left with a weird feeling in my stomach and a slight worry of what was going to happen in the morning.
Anyway, rationalizing, I figured I wasn’t that good at creating new items that showcased my culinary genious. However, I did realize that I am very good at creating vomit inducing cuisine and purgative items. Perhaps the new line of cuisine from Maggi would be The strong, highly effective digestive system fix. (NB – If you come up with a better name, talk to me. We can discuss some endorsements etc …).
PS – Cybergames and ug4 mailing list seeing some activity.
PS1 – Go-A
PS2 – Civ 4 decent
PS3 – Peesu = bitch
PS4 – Tipo, Vishnu back from vacation.