so, I’ve heard there’s a big market for children’s books. gullible parents will buy absolutely anything. I’d just like my share of the pie. so, people reading this post, introducing my first ever children’s story, “the mad cow”.
Belching Bessie was not enjoying herself particularly. The grass tasted like cud. The moon felt wonky. The shady tree in the middle of the field seemed to have gone bananas. Oh, she’d had her doubts about that tree the first time she’d seen it. The tree did have an air of “weird” about it.
In the barn Haddock Horsie was planning to take a nap. There was a cool night breeze blowing through his stall. He recalled fondly the days when he and Bessie used to walk the fields talking about this and that. Bessie had changed, he thought to himself. She spends too much of her time obsessing about the tree in the middle of the field.
Rambunctious Robin eyed the mad cow warily. Her death-ray-gaze at her tree in the middle of the field was now a cause for concern. She often wondered about whether her madness could be cured with a song. “Well, now’s never a bad time for a song”, she thought to herself. Whipping out her unicycle she began to sing that Elvis Presley hit, “tweet tweet chirp chirp”
An offkey note broke Horsie’s reverie. It sounded like a hippopotamus imitating a dog’s bark. “That damn Robin, he’d be riling up Bessie again”. He jumped out of his stall and cantered off towards the field, barely pausing to put on his roller-blades under his pink trousers.
Bessie tolerated, with great restraint, the first three verses of the-shady-tree-in-the-middle-of-the-field’s singing. The start of the fourth verse sent a cataclysm of rage through her. “Mooooooooo”, she went, and charged.
Robin heard a low guttaral sound. She went inside and saw the kids watching “Birdwatch” on the television.
The wheel snapped off. Horsie cursed as his jaw hit the grass.
Bessie pulled out her portable nuclear missile launcher.
PS: Yes, I love the internet. It lets you put stuff like this online.
PPS: Yes, I do apologize for adding more junk to the internet. Once again.
PPPS: There will be some people who do not get this. Sucks to be you.
PPPPS: After re-reading this, I realize that I might need a better illustrator. Please send your resume’s should you like to join me in minting some money