by oBelIX

DISCLAIMER: This post is poorly illustrated. The quality of the stick figures is abysmal enough that Randall Monroe (whose name I have just butchered – my apologies Mr. Munroe) would probably be coming over to shoot me sometime soon. 

Alternate titles for this post:

  • the geeks guide; to jiving in a nightclub
  • dancing like a pro when you don’t drink

The bouncer had a constipated look. The security guard was lonely. The line was small. Maurice stepped in. Scanning the crowd, he spotted Wilma, sitting at a barstool, one leg swinging idly, a turquoise drink with umbrella in her hand. She waved, he sauntered over.

Okay, enough of that. Let’s get this party started. This post talks about what to do if you are in a nightclub (or any social situation where you are asked to dance).

It is incredibly simple.

It is actually unbelievable, how incredibly simple this is.

It is one of those few conundrums in life which actually has a one step solution.


The dance will come to you.

That is all. The End.

Now, the problem comes when alcohol is not your thing.

  1. Step out onto the dance floor
  2. Find some open space
  3. If you cannot find open space then it just sucks for everyone else
  4. Close one eye
  5. Extend one leg at a 45 degree angle from the thigh
  6. Bend knee at 90 degree angle
  7. Stretch arms parallel to the ground
  8. Point hands upwards – bend elbow 90 degrees
  9. This is your original position
  10. Now, this is what happens next:
    1. your eyes – alternate closing one and then the other
    2. your legs – unbend the knee. bring leg down to a zero degree angle. extend other leg. bend other knee
    3. your hands – left hand points down. swap hand locations. make both hands parallel to the ground
  11. Go back to original position
  12. Repeat this in sync with the music

Voila! You will now be the center of attention. Everyone will be staring and pointing. There will be high-pitched cries of “OMG OMG OMG” from women who want to, in Quagmire speak, “do the gigggity gigggity” with you right there. People will be filming you on cell phone cameras. You’ll be the focus of many “Remember that night in that night club when that dude …” conversations.

Or, to avoid all this, just start drinking … if you do anything related to computer science, its probably a good idea anyway


how to jive – for those who do not drink and do not want to follow the 12 simple steps I’ve outlined above