ARP

by oBelIX

Instead of a disclaimer or small aphorism this post will begin by offering congratulations to @mythalez for becoming Dr. @mythalez.

Introduction

This post is hopefully the comeback post. It is an amalgam of absolutely absconding adverbs; an exemplary example of eloquent eye-openers; an <insert five adjectives starting with i> <insert a noun starting with i> and a demonstration of how not to use ;

Tirupati

Yours truly went to Tirupati over the weekend. Unlike usually, this time, me and my Dad walked up. Now, for all those of you who haven’t walked up ever, I’d suggest you try it. Here’s why:

• The walk is simple
• The scenery is beautiful – you must take a camera
  • I saw wild deer licking dew off the fence
• The sheer devotion of people will make you believe in the human condition
  • There was this old lady walking up – really old lady walking up.
  • Other ladies were putting kumkum (or some variant of that) on every step
• They acknowledge that you walked up
  • You get a free meal and a quick darshanam

The only sad part of going to Tirupati is that you get to catch only a fleeting glimpse when you are in the temple proper.

The attrocious Aussies

At this point I am sure there is some disdain for my lack of spelling in a paragraph title. The puritanically English (the proper vernacular for those who emphasize the correct use of the language) like @mythalez would be thinking to themselves – how could this guy with so many years of education mis-spell atrocious? By now, you must be indignant with fury over this slight aberration. Anyhoo, the reason for this is also known as “Creative licesnce” or some such thing.

The first thing I heard this morning was the wail of a child on a train. Umm, that doesn’t help. The first thing I heard when I got home was the cook asking whether I wanted one dosa or two. Well, to get to the point, the first thing I heard when I put on the telly was Deepika Padukone advertising some stupid thing called “Orbit White which really works which I will never buy because of that stupid ad”. And, the first thing I saw when I switched to DD National was the commentator announcing 23/3.

After a bit, the score was 33/5. Fed up with two dosas inspiration struck and I divined the cause of the Indian collapse. This is how the nefarious Aussies managed to engineer this impossibly improbable situation:

1. It is well known that the Indian top order likes eating their egg-half-fry

    

2. In the normal world, the yolk is inside, surrounded by the egg white and a normal half fry looks like below:

   

3. In Australia (where the water swirls counter-clockwise) the egg-white is on the inside and the yolk is on the outside. Thus an aussie half-fry looks like below:

   

    

4. The aussies bribed the entire egg supply chain for the Indian team – starting from the top with Lalit Modi to the cook (Dhinchak Faltu Item) who makes breakfast for Dhoni and co.

    

5. Our batsmen, sheer diligent workers that they are spent their breakfast discussing strategy and not looking at what they were eating.

    

6. They thus ate egg-half-fry made out of Australian eggs that is known to cause a severe feeling of I-must-goto-the-loo-else-the-world-will-be-destroyed-by-mind-eating-zombies (see here for a research paper proving this).

    

7. And thus the Aussie plan was complete, our batsmen to save the world sacrificed their wickets, the match and the series.

At this moment, it is appropriate to take a moment to acknowledge the hard choices the batsmen made out there today. I would urge you all to show your support for them by writing a comment or two J.

PS1: Lots of stuff has happened since I blogged

PS2: Yes, I am aware of the lack of posts here

PS3: Yes, I am also aware that my writing has gone to various species of fauna and that my writing now resembles something that your cat dragged in …

 

Advertisement