the geeks guide; to female hairstyles;

by oBelIX

at the outset, I would like to warn you, dear reader, that amongst the various slaps to the face of the english language this post dishes out, the ones that make the loudest thwack are:

  1. the misuse of the semi-colon; and the, comma
  2. the complete ignorance of capitalization
  3. the addition of grammar as an afterthought
  4. the use of bold typeface to not signify emphasis

all female readers of this blog are advised that any resemblance the artwork bears to them is purely coincidental. any male readers who think that the artwork resembles them may feel flattered but should not take this as a sign of me hitting on them

There have now been three occasions in my life that I’ve had to give this advice to that subset of the human race that thinks that teal is a color. I’ve managed to escape unscathed on all three. Luck may account for one, alcohol for two but I think that three implies that I have considerable expertise in this area.

In the grand scheme of things of course, we must all understand the relative value of all knowledge. This that you are about to receive fits in as below:

Importance Knowledege
High Cooking paneer butter masala
Fixing your vacuum cleaner
Low Knowing what q3dm17 refers to
What is american idol.

the headliner


This style is categorized with the hair making a straight line across the forehead about a half-to one inch above the eyebrows. This is a very safe bet to suggest and signifies that you are have more a journeyman understanding of hair.

the combover


It is advisable to not use the name of this hairstyle lest it be mistaken for what balding middleaged men do to cover their shining white domes.

This style is categorized by a set of hair flowing over a part of the forehead (and often covering the eye). It is vital that on occasion the hair covers the eye so that the ladies can adjust it often (the therapeutic effects of this are being studied by future IgNobel winners).

the bangs


This style is categorized with a few strands of hair hanging loose around the face. These loose-hanging hair serve no practical purpose. an excellent way to impress upon your lady-friend your knowledge of the hair-styling lingo is to refer to the “bangs” as “framing the face”. Another advantage of this hairstyle is that the bangs can during occasions of high-stress be chewed upon for immediate tension relief.

the pigtails


A word of caution: This style should be suggested only in the following circumstances: a) both of you are inebriated b) she is inebriated c) it is made abundantly clear that you are suggesting this in an offhand, flippant sort of way.

This style is characterized by the hair being grouped into two parabolic arcs at the back of the head. This technique is also colloquially known as “braiding the hair” and not to be confused with “raiding the lair” (for the wow players).

tl;dr: take some time to read the above. those who think that q3dm17 is more important than this should be advised that I don’t really care. Also, there is more to hair-styling than this – consider this to be a primer.


PS: MS Paint – it is awesome

PPS: Coming soon – the rasmalai incident – a tale of high-danger, intrigue, a yak named Fud Ki Mao and the delicious dish of rasmalai

PPPS: Reviews of harry potter, zindagi mile na dobara, delhi belly, the 5th volume in the game of thrones amongst other things

PPPPS: The differences in the size of the images should be attributed to my laziness and not to any personal preference of mine.